Directions

Here we are again,

what am I supposed to do now?

Where do I go?

How much shit will I continue to allow?

I just need a second,

A moment, to collect all the missing pieces.

Before I go crazy,

then I start writing in my own ideas, my own thesis.

You swore you told me everything,

so why do I still feel in the dark?

I'm not okay here.

and everything gets darker with every new remark.

I'm told one thing,

but I see and feel something different.

I know you're trying,

but I really think you think im ignorant.

Everything proceeds around me,

it's like I'm frozen in the nonsense;

Makes me take a step back,

I look around me, now everyone here is tense.

I don't remember,

the last time that I have felt in control.

I'm on autopilot,

nose-diving, come on let's take a stroll.

We can walk hand in hand,

down the highway, it's rush hour.

And you can tell me that you love me,

but you can't cover all these lies with just a flower.

Maybe I'm crazy,

and this is all just in my head.

But with the pieces I've been given,

I built this conclusion from things you've said.

Fuck.

I hate this.

All this back and forth, not knowing,

it is maddening.

I can only see what you've been showing.

I know there's more.

I know that this is not how this book ends.

What aren't you telling me,

first and foremost; you are supposed to be my friend!

I think that we forget that,

and we get caught up in all these feelings.

but we can't stay there,

all of my thoughts, upside down, they're on the ceiling.

So again I step back,

I wonder how I can fix this mess up in my head.

And I'm defeated.

You will be too after all this shit that you just read.

-LaurenAshley